April 21, 06

Earth Day

Someone told me the other day that Spring weather in Kodiak sucks. That particular verb gets thrown around a lot, and it got me thinking about what it really means with respect to our lives.

Let's see, the current administration sucks the economy dry by separating the classes, fixing the markets and filling their pockets while the country goes deeper into debt. The war in Iraq sucks the blood of our military. Our puppet president sucks hope from the future, and the Supreme Court that picked him sucked the last bit of democracy from our electoral process. It will definitely suck when we have to nuke a city because our military is stretched too thin to respond.

Global warming blows more than sucks, but rain and snow sometimes come with it, so maybe that is a valid connection. But does it suck? Some people see the melting of the icecaps as a good thing. Shipping companies are already buildings ports in Norway where new routes will open. Oil companies are drooling over the untapped black gold in the far north. Fishing enterprises are waiting to scrape the Arctic Ocean floor with trolling equipment a mile long.

Maybe bad weather is meant to open our eyes to what is happening to our planet and our freedoms. Kodiak is filled with people who think outside the box, but there is complacency that comes from living in a beautiful place when the weather is good. When it's sunny, people care less that the government is trying every way possible to take away what's left of the local fishing economy, for example. They care less that the polar bears will all die when they can no longer hunt the ice that has already started melting. People seem to forget all the real problems that don't go away just because the snow and rain stop.

I see signs of what is to come all around town. Ancient trees fall to make room for bigger houses, vehicles on the road are getting bigger - but that's ok - gasoline prices don't effect us, because we only have to drive 35 miles a week.

The earth has given us 100,000 years of stable, predictable weather upon which to build our lives and our society. For that we should be thankful. The earth did not take this gift from us - rather it was tossed aside by its greedy caretakers and perhaps it is gone for our lifetimes.

Now that sucks.

April 04, 06

This is likely to be long and rambling, so pour some tea or whatever beverage you enjoy late at night.

The Meniscus

Most people don't even know they have a meniscus until they damage it. The meniscus provides the cushioning between the Femur and the Tibia - the most used juncture of bone-on-bone in the human body.

In the course of normal walking around and other daily activities, the meniscus typically holds up well. When the burdens of athletic activity and decreased blood flow due to age are added, the Meniscus can become stressed. When stressed, the meniscus can break down in any number of ways. Roughly shaped like a half-moon, the meniscus has minimal blood flow at the center, and virtually no blood flow at the outer edges. This is why meniscus injuries rarely heal on their own. It's a tricky business. Removal, repair, partial removal, leave it alone - all are options, depending on the severity of the tear, and the motivation and pain tolerance of the individual.

It is unfortunate for the average individual that many Orthopoedic Surgeons will automatically recommend surgery. Why is this not always a good idea? Because despite the clear picture that an MRI provides, the OS cannot know exactly what the actual condition of the meniscus is until he has physically entered the area with scopes (and knives). This leaves the decision of how to proceed solely in the hands of the OS, who may not be in a position to determine the right thing to do for the individual. Remove too much and the victim may never be able to function normally again. For a runner, the prospects are grave.

How do I know all of this? Two years ago, I damaged my right medial meniscus. One year ago, I decided to have surgery. The surgery was successful - I was immediately pain-free and I was able to resume running at my former level.

Three weeks ago, I slipped on the ice and damaged the meniscus in the same knee again. I feel like I am destined to learn a lesson this time.

This leads, credibly enough, to thoughts on waves, cycles and other electromagnetic phenomenon that shape our lives.

Waves

The meniscus has become part of a large wave in my life. Since I originally injured the meniscus, the quality of my days, weeks and months has been to a large extent determined by the condition of the meniscus. Some days it feels great, I can run without pain. Other days, it hurts like hell and I cannot even think about running. The nerve bundles within a few square millimeters in my right leg affect my entire life. Obviously, this is only one affector. There are many others. How is the job going. How has the general state of affairs been lately. How is my dog's health. How is my primary relationship.

Discrete elements seem to cluster in a favorable or non-favorable configuration. For some reason, when one thing goes to hell, all the other barometers seem to follow. Likewise, everything can seem to be on a positive track for a while.

These peaks and valleys amount to the days and hours of our lives. We feel great, we feel like shit. We are happy, we are miserable. We are on top of the world, the world has taken a dump on our miserable life.

One startling reality puts all of this in perspective. Despite where we are currently residing on the spectrum, we still wake up fundamentally the same person each morning. The same strengths and weaknesses that we have exhibited during the most inopportune times of our lives are resident within us no matter what external circumstances are present.

What I am trying to say is we tend to allow the oscillations to affect our lives way out of proportion to their true significance. I truly believe that life can change in an instant. For the good, or for the bad. The secret is to be in tune with our real selves, possibly represented by the straight line in the image above. If we can learn to give the peaks and valleys a passing glance rather than granting them the power to control us, we can follow the path of the straight line and rise above whatever our current situation is. The peaks and valleys will lose their control over our lives. Once we reach a new height, the waves will start all over again. And we must start all over again. But we have grown, and that is what life is about. Just ask any tree.

March 14, 06

Nature

I used to have a hard time reconciling all the different lives I've lived and situations I've been in, trying to make who I think I am fit into the situations I end up in. I'm beginning to think it doesn't matter. Reality is not created by me, and what sustains the spirit doesn't come from anything I've accomplished - at least not for very long.

There are no promises or guarantees, next week could bring a horrible train wreck, or a winning lottery ticket. I'm learning that it is of great benefit to be at peace with the possibly of not having any money, living by your wits and the kindness of strangers. A powerful force is generated from within when the comfort of being alive is enough to sustain us, when we can finally give up on trying to hold on to things that we can never own.

If we fail to appreciate how the water shimmers in the sun, what does anything else matter? It's been a recurring thought in my mind that beauty is the only thing that's important. Love doesn't last, money disppears, power is ceded to the younger and stronger. The only thing that is enduring is the indelible image in our mind of something that is fundamentally beautiful and simple, and beyond our own creation.

I don't have proof for this theory, just my own empirical evidence based on living a life that is anything but normal. I always come back to beauty. It may sound trite, but try this experiment: force yourself to not look at the sky during a magnificent golden red sunset, make your eyes focus on the dirty gray road instead of the sweeping vistas around Kodiak. After not too long, You'll miss the beauty more than a loved one.

Heartaches fade over time, because the natural world is always there to replenish our souls and give us a reason to get up in the morning. Meanwhile, sitting here in front of my Mac, songs about whiskey and heartache and lonely wasted lives race through my mind.